A dilemma for caregivers: How to occupy the time

My father's move to a memory care facility was much harder on us than it was on him. When he came to Silverado, he believed he ran the place. They placed him in an "office" to stuff envelopes, had him "lead" tours, allowed him to greet visitors and collect the mail from the mailbox at the street.

I fretted about how he would spend his days, and what I could do to help add some purpose.

A friend told me what helped her mom: a box (or cannister) full of memories written on paper. So I cut card stock into rectangles and typed memory after memory, a sentence or two each, and invited friends and relatives to do the same. Slowly we filled a plastic box the size of a shoe box with which--for a while--my Dad would not part. Of course they were all good memories. That was important. But to him, each time he read them, he relived those good times.

My Dad loved reading, but I knew he was no longer able to devour the Thomas Jefferson biographies he used to love. I struggled to find short stories that would hold his interest. I resorted to big coffee table books with photos he might like, and the "I Spy" series of children's books, (hoping he would not realize they were children's books.)

I'd send him letters and/or packages every other day, since I knew he would be getting the mail. But beyond that, from my distance, I was at a loss. Cynthia Green wrote recently in The New York Times' "The New Old Age" column about some ideas, and collected several from readers. Here are 10 of my favorite:

* Adapt a lifelong hobby--for instance, someone who loved cooking could help mash apples for applesauce; a gardener may work with planting small pots.

* Capitalize on interests--a golfer may enjoy watching videos of the game; a gardener may enjoy coffee table books featuring flowers, or even leafing through garden catalogs.

* Scrabble! Verbal skills may diminish, but this game is worth a try.

* Sort through a collection of buttons. They may tell stories about the clothing buttons came from, or comment on each button's characteristics.

* Jigsaw puzzles, the ones that are not too complicated. (You can have them made from a favorite photograph.)

* Sing the first line of a familiar song. They may sing the one that comes after.

* Create a photo book and/or photo DVD that they can look at and share with other residents whenever they want.

* Rhyming games. Have them come up with words that rhyme with a word you choose.

* Watch the cars go by, and start conversations based on what goes past.

* Painting. Potentially messy, but good way to stimulate creativity.